The Storm Inside The Lighthouse

“Lighthouses don’t go running all over the island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.”
— Anne Lamott

Anne Lamott wasn’t talking about lighthouses.

She was talking about you.

About me.

About all of us that have fought to keep our footing where when the storm was crashing against us.

But this world that you live, and the cultural norms, push you to run. It is designed to teach you to show up how other people need you to show up so you actively choose to run. The reasons are endless as to why you do this.

You’ll run to fix.

To prove.

To earn.

To silence the inner critic.

Because stillness feels like a slow, painful death.

It’s only natural you chase boats like a desperate lifeguard searching for someone to save instead of standing like the lighthouse you were built to be.

No one respects a frantic, chameleon leader. The team you’re leading and your teammates don’t want a leader that morphs into a different version depending on the people in the room. People are searching for a leader they respect. The one who can hold their ground when the storm makes everyone else scatter looking for cover. The person who refuses to shift themselves to meet the unspoken expectations the moment demands.

The search for shelter in the confines of your own head will push you away from joy and run the risk of you forgetting, even momentarily, your purpose. I’ve seen this happen time and time again with athletes and business leaders. In the performance world this often gets labeled as imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome isn’t some exotic psychological disorder you picked up somewhere along the way like food poisoning from a street food cart in India. It is the byproduct of the success your brain hasn’t metabolized yet. All the numbers, all the results, prove you belong in the room but that quiet diabolical voice whispers in your head “You’re a fraud. You don’t belong here. Stay quiet.”. It’s the ego pushing fake humility. It’s the fear that if people really knew you and were aware of the chaos churning in your head, they would push you away.

Isn’t it funny how you only feel like an imposter when you’re competing in an arena that matters to you. This tension between discomfort and the feeling of belonging is growth. It’s molting in real time. You have outgrown your old self and you need to shed in order to become the next version of you. Fight off the urge to prove yourself to anyone; even you! There’s no need to prove who you are or what you do.

If you want to choke out imposter syndrome you must learn to accept that the pursuit of mastery will never silence doubt. It simply teaches you to do the work knowing that doubt is riding shotgun.

I’ve watched coaches, athletes and business leaders drown in this. I watched a coach fall victim to this mentality. They were mere weeks into the season and after not hitting the desired results in the first meet, they were scrambling. Rethinking all of their current training and future training model, mechanics, all of it. It was like they were having an identity crisis and didn’t know who they were as a coach so pieces of them were disappearing like leaves in a truck bed driving down the highway. They were chasing approval from me as the head coach, fans, empty seats in the stadium of their own head. When we talked I reminded them to stay true to the plan they’ve set. Shifting away from the plan and themselves ran the risk of losing the very thing that made them extraordinary. It was the reason I wanted them as an assistant coach. Don’t doubt it because it’s not all going to the plan he conjured up in pre-season. Stay true. Trust himself.

In these scenarios the breakthrough has an opportunity to come when you stop auditioning. When you finally say with your damn chest, “This is who I am. This is my light.” This mentality and assurance of who you are gives the light a chance to break through the storm. It doesn’t make the situation easier. It helps you stop betraying yourself.

Isn’t this the point? Or is it the point we keep missing?

If you’re the lighthouse, the boats on the sea don’t need a muted version of you. They also don’t need you to be polished and shiny so you’re appealing to the masses looking for scenic posts for instagram. They need you in your most honest, raw, uncut form. Steady. Authentic. Consistent. The storms in life are supposed to rage, that’s their role. The chaos is there to test you.

The question that must be answered is, can you remain you when everything around you demands that you abandon yourself?

If you want to step away from this reoccurring imposter syndrome, you need to make the decision to stop chasing validation, stop morphing into the identity you believe will earn applause.

Each time you choose to dim your light, choosing comfort and familiarity, the sea creates chaos in the silence. With each click that dims your light, your soul adapts.

Your beam softens, your bones enmeshed in spider silk and salt, praying you’ll will make it through another freeze thaw cycle, knowing you are no longer afraid of the storm, but of how little of yourself remains to withstand it.

Each day away from yourself is one more step from the light that was once so alive it didn’t just cut through the dark, it taught it where to end.

So.

Stand tall.

Resilient.

Let your light shine.

Because the world is looking for a beacon of hope and it shines brightest when you stand in who you are.