Where The Noise Becomes Music

You walk through life missing the depths of beautiful moments because you only experience it through your own eyes. It’s a limiting view you naturally have. And the conclusions you come to, you do so with a voice in your head. Like a sports commentator. Depending on your history, culture, family of origin, and the thousand other variables that factor in to your internal dialogue, the care, compassion, love, hatred, doubt is present. Your perspective on your life is determined by what you can see. But life isn’t one dimensional. There are more perspectives available.

The reality is, you view your life through replays. Clips of memories. You have the opportunity to see other people in real time, in moments that create lasting impact. But you will often miss your part in those moments because you don’t take time to be present in what’s happening. So you only can look back on those times. While it’s a beautiful reminder, you will often find yourself missing the fullness, the holiness of it all.

You probably have determined the only way to see yourself is to stand in front of a mirror and see what’s in the reflection. Even then it’s a reverse image. It’s not quite reality. But you check it. Then, based on what you see, you adjust your posture, your clothes, your hair, your self worth and even your identity. But when you look at other people, you aren’t looking at them through a mirror. You are seeing them for who they are. And when they look at you, they see you, not a second hand reflection.

I don’t know if anyone else does this, but I love to walk around with my beats jammed down in my ear so all I can hear is the music. Not because I don’t want to talk to people, but for me, the music acts as a soundtrack to my life. I’ve asked friends if they were in a movie and they were about to enter the film for the first time, what song would they want playing that would set the tone. The song that would give people a feel for who they are before every saying a word. What would their theme song be?

Mine would be Get Down by Nas. One because it’s Nas and I mean come on. Nas. But mostly because it’s a vibe. Something about it raises my chest, shoulders go back, there’s a bit of swag in my step. Rhythm in the walk. It just feels right. Honestly it makes me feel like me. Not the me I hold back and project when I’m too afraid to be myself fully. But the authentic me.

Most miss that this life is a song and you all have a part. When you listen to the song you insist on listening as a solo. Instead of hearing the entire piece all you hear is your isolated contribution. Then you call it disappointing, not quite finished, repetitive. You feel like something is missing. Never considering the fact that you’re listening alone. But when you add in another persons perspective you hear the harmony. The bass line that sets the rhythm and vibe. The ache in the vocals. The silence that finally makes sense when you hear the song with everyones contribution.

Discovering love for yourself doesn’t arrive in a cleaner mirror providing a more crisp reflection.

It arrives as harmony. It’s a feeling you can’t put into words because it resides outside the confines of the explainable.

It comes when you can step outside of your limited perspective and try to see yourself through other peoples eyes. It’s in the decision to stop asking How do I look? and begin asking What can’t I see that others do? And then listening to what others are playing in the song to understand the complexity. Perhaps it will open up a space with you to understand the song isn’t happening to you, you are alive and well within it contributing something beautifully sacred. You’re a part of the creation.

The ability and willingness to step outside of your own frame and step into someone else’s not only helps you understand them at a deeper level it helps you see yourself in a new way. It has the potential to open you up to growth. You can see how you bless people with who you are as well as the hurt you may cause. I’ve discovered many people resist stepping out of their frame because of the answers they might discover. And I get it. Truth fucking sucks sometimes. But only if you connect the feedback to your identity. Who you are doesn’t always line up with how you show up. This is where people get stuck. Spinning their wheels in the mud.

If you’re like most, you don’t show up in the world in a way that’s true to who you are. You show up how you assume other people want you to be. So naturally you show up based on that assumption. It’s the idea that the person you present to the world is who you think they think you are. But this is limiting your impact on the world. It’s a death by a thousand paper cuts and it is quietly exhausting your spirit. When you choose to not be yourself fully, your spirit knows you are whispering, “Who I am isn’t what they need.” This is a lie you were taught long ago that takes a massive amount of courage to challenge.

If you want to experience this life more fully, it will begin with you taking the first step outside of your own perspective and attempting to experience yourself through someone else’s eyes and ears. Be ready for what is revealed. It won’t always make you cry tears of joy and gratitude. Sometimes it will cause unyielding grief and heartache. But what you can learn from those moments will move you further down the line in your own self growth than any 10 step plan from a performance guru.

Growth and self love is ugly.

Gritty.

Beautiful.

Sacred.

It is the jam session after you smashed all the mirrors.

There’s no sheet music. Nothing to follow. Just pure, raw sound crashing together in a studio that smells of smoke, sweat, and truth. It’s bending strings. Missed notes. Voices cracking out of exhaustion. You may not recognize yourself in the beginning. Not because you’re lost, but because for the first time you’ve stopped performing for the person in the reflection.

It will open you up to hear the song through other people’s ears. Feeling the rhythm through their calloused fingers. The harmony isn’t beautiful because it cleans you up. It ruins the illusion that you once believed you were meant to be polished. Along the way you learn that love isn’t the absences of dissonance but rather staying in the session long enough to allow the noise to become music.

Loving yourself isn’t whispering affirmations in the mirror.

It’s understanding and trusting that even when your voice isn’t perfect, it still belongs in the song.

Authentic growth won’t ask you to look better for the mirror.

It leans in and softly invites you to listen intently.

And if you can do this, you might just hear it all.